Shera
Summer in the city was an endless run of pickup baseball games, bike rides and long treks to the public pool on the other side of the neighborhood to beat the blazing heat of the city. It had a pleasant sameness only occasionally broken by something out of the ordinary. This was going to be one of those days. His mom and dad had planned a trip to the James E. Strate Shows, the biggest carnival to hit their town, much bigger than the parish carnivals in his neighborhood. This trip had reached monumental proportions in his child’s mind.
Car rides, no matter how long or short, seem endless to him. He knew better than to ask the infamous, “Are we there yet?” but he was squirming badly in the back seat. His father rarely got angry with him but that would definitely set him off. The sun was just beginning to set but it wouldn’t be fully dark for several hours yet. They turned the last corner and arrived. The carnival was lit by endless rows of neon lights. He had never been to Times Square or Broadway but he imagined that the lights would something like this. The screams of the people on the thrill rides and the patter of the barkers on sideshow row reached his ears.
They walked through the gate and headed to the ticket booth. This was before the days of metal detectors and bag checks so they walked through unimpeded. His father bought him a book of tickets and handed it to him along with a dollar. “Here, you can go ride the rides and buy yourself a snack. Don’t lose anything because I won’t buy you anymore. Make sure you meet us back here by ten o’clock or you’re going to be in big trouble. You understand me mister.”
“Yeah, Dad, I got it,” he rolled his eyes. They had been planning this trip all week and his father must have gone over the rules a hundred times. He even made sure that he brought his wristwatch and remembered to set and wind it.
“Don’t you roll your eyes at me,” his father said with a fake menacing tone as he playfully punched him on the shoulder. “Go have fun.”
“Thanks Dad.” He started to run but then caught himself. He turned and looked in the direction his parents had walked, and he could see them walking hand in hand in the distance. He loved his parents, but they always had to act like kids. Holding hands in public, how embarrassing. He was glad they let him go off on his own.
He walked down the aisles trying to get a good idea of all the carnival had to offer before he used any of his tickets.
“Hey, you’re not supposed to be back here.” He was lost in his own thoughts and hadn’t realized that he had wandered off the main fairway. He turned around to go back the way he came and ran right into the owner of the voice. She was a short girl with curly, jet-black hair down to her shoulders and the greenest eyes he had ever seen. She was wearing cutoff shorts, a white tube top and high top bobos, the nickname they gave to the cheapest non-brand sneakers you could buy at Woolworths. Bobos, they make your feet feel fine, bobos they cost a dollar ninety-nine. The tube top held up a pretty large pair of breasts. She was what his parents would call an early bloomer. Even at his age he knew it was impolite to stare at a girl’s chest, so he struggled to keep his eyes level with hers.
“Like what you see?” She caught him staring at her breasts.
“I’m s-so s-sorr-y,” he stammered, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. She started to laugh. He could feel the heat of a deep blush creep up his face.
“Don’t worry. Boys always stare at my boobs. I was the first one in my school to grow boobs.”
“If this place is only for the carnival people, what are you doing back here?” he asked defensively.
“I live here, silly. My Momma works for the carnival.”
“You live here? Don’t you go to school?”
“It’s summertime. Nobody goes to school in the summertime, except for the dummies.” She had the slightest bit of a southern drawl. During school, I stay with my grandma in Florida. Now answer me. What are you doing back here?
“I must have made a wrong turn. I didn’t mean to be back here. What’s your name?”
“Abigail, but everybody calls me Abby. What’s yours?”
“John, but everybody calls me Johnny.”
“I think I’ll call you John. It sounds more grown up. Is that okay?”
“Sure, Abigail.” She giggled softly at his attempt at humor and his heart leapt. He was not used to the attention of any girls let alone one he just met at a carnival.
“You want to hang out? I can get you on the rides for free.”
“Sure.” He didn’t tell her that some of the rides scared him. She led him back to the main part of the carnival and straight to the ride that scared him the most, the Zipper. The ride resembled a Ferris wheel but the seats were enclosed in little cages that could turn upside down as the main wheel turned. Anything that turned upside down terrified him.
“Hey Hank, can we go on?” She asked the operator of the ride.
“Sure Abby, C’mon up.” He was in the process of letting riders off and letting new riders on. They sat in the seat and buckled in. Abby reached out and grabbed his sweaty hand. Her hand felt cool and warm in his. She squeezed his hand gently.
“It’s fun, don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried.” He said, but she could see the look of fear in his eyes. The car jerked forward a bit to let the next riders on. This was repeated until all the cars were filled and then the ride began to pick up speed until they were spinning upside down. “This is great.” He lied and Abby squealed with delight.
“I love this ride.” He was glad he hadn’t bought any snacks as he started to feel nauseous. It would be so embarrassing if he threw up. Oh my god, please don’t let me throw up. He breathed a sigh of relief when Hank opened the cage and let them out. His legs felt a little wobbly as he stepped down the runway to wait for Abby.
“Are you from around here?” She asked as she caught up to him.
“The other side of town, not too far.”
“Did you grow up there?’
“Yeah, lived in the same neighborhood my entire life.”
“That must be nice, living in one place.”
“I was thinking the opposite, that it must be nice traveling.”
“It’s ok but the carnival doesn’t have any kids my age. They’re either older
or too young to hang around. Sometimes I help take care of the young ones but I
miss not having friends my own age.”
“That must be hard.”
“Sometimes but I do get to see new cities all the time. Momma takes
me sightseeing sometimes. We went to New York City one time.” They reached an open space and Abby sat down on the grass. “Sit here.” She patted the grass beside her. When he sat down, she moved closer, until their legs were touching. He jumped as if he was afraid his leg would catch fire. “You can sit close to me. I don’t bite.” She grabbed one of his hands with both of hers.
“Did your mom always work for the carnival?”
“She started when I was about five. We always lived with my Grandma.”
“Where’s your dad?”
“Momma told me he died when I was young. I don’t really remember him. The guys that work around here like Hank try to make up for the fact that I don’t have a daddy. They protect me and try to teach me stuff, not in a creepy way but sometimes it’s tough. I don’t need to be protected all the time. What about you? What’s your story?”
“Not much to tell.”
“Tell me about school.”
“I go to catholic school.”
“Oh, aren’t the nuns mean?”
He smiled. People who never went to catholic school always thought that, but that wasn’t his experience. “Not really. At least not the ones I had. What’s your school like?”
“Granny lives way out in the country, so I have to take the bus into town. It’s a pretty big school, kindergarten to twelfth grade.”
“What about friends?”
“I don’t have too many friends. They don’t like carny people. I have one friend named Lily. Grandma lets her sleep over our house sometimes. Do you have a lot of friends?”
“Not a lot but some. It must be hard not having friends.”
“It’s okay. We have a pond near the house and I can go fishing. Sometimes I just like to walk in the woods.”
“There’s not too much woods where I live. You have to ride a few miles on your bike to get to the real woods but I go there sometimes.”
“I really like the woods.” They fell silent and she didn’t let go of his hand. He couldn’t hold her gaze when she looked at his face. He looked down at their hands instead. “You’re cute.” No one had ever told him that before so he wasn’t sure how to respond.
“You have the most beautiful green eyes.”
“I didn’t think you saw my eyes.” She teased.
He blushed again. “Of course I did. Why would you say that?”
“Take it easy John. I’m only kidding you.” Her laugh sounded in his ears like the chime of a small bell. She grabbed his hand again. “I like you. You’re not like the other boys I know.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“The boys back home think I’m easy because I have big boobs and I travel with the carnival. They want to see me and as soon as they find out I don’t put out they stop calling me.”
“That’s terrible.” He wasn’t sure what put out meant but he thought it might have something to do with sex. “How old are you?”
“Fourteen. How old are you?”
“I’m thirteen. I know girls usually don’t like younger boys, but can we still be friends?” He asked, terrified she was about to reject him.
Instead, he heard her bell like laughter again. “Of course, silly. One year doesn’t make a difference.” He was relieved. He tried to look at her eyes but her intense gaze caused him to look away. She reached over and tilted his head up to look at her. “You can kiss me if you want to.”
His heart leapt up into his throat. “I don’t…”
Her face dropped in disappointment. “You don’t want to kiss me?”
“No, no. I do. It’s just…”
“It’s just what?”
He plunged ahead. “I’ve never kissed a girl before and I don’t think I know how.” His easily readable face turned bright crimson again. He was sure she was going to reject him this time. How could a thirteen-year-old not know how to kiss?
To his surprise she didn’t laugh this time. She looked seriously at him. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Would you like me to show you how?”
“Yes.” He could barely speak the word.
“Okay. Put your lips just a tiny bit apart like this.” She showed him the way she wanted his lips to part. “Then put your upper lip between my lips and your lower lip under mine.” She waited as he clumsily leaned forward. He did exactly what she had told him to. Their lips met and he took a sharp intake of breath. He could taste the fruity flavor of the gum she had been chewing. Her lips were soft and fleshy. She moved her head and her lips moved against his. She put her arms on his shoulders and drew him close. She closed her eyes and held him tight for what seemed to be hours but in reality, was just a few seconds. She released him and said, “Not bad for a first time. Now you will never forget me.”
“What?” he asked in a daze trying to still the pounding of his heart.
“You’ll never forget me because you never forget your first kiss.” The ringing peal of her laughter broke the seriousness of the moment and he laughed with her. They spent the next hour going on the rides. The Rotor was a ride that used centrifugal force to hold the rider against the outside wall of the ride as the round rider’s platform went from horizontal to vertical. Some of the more experienced riders crawled upside down as the force held them in place. He was too terrified to do anything but Abby reached out and held his hand. The ride returned to horizontal and slowed to a stop. As the went down the stairs to exit the ride she said, “ Let’s go get some ice cream.”
“Only if you promise no more rides. My stomach might not be able to take it.” He was no longer afraid of looking weak to her. It didn’t seem like that mattered to her and that made her unlike any other girl he knew. They wanted boys who were strong, could play sports and acted like they were afraid of nothing. There was an area of picnic tables near the ice cream vendor. It was hard to find an open seat but after a few minutes a family got up to leave and they grabbed a table. “This Ice cream is delicious.” He said as they sat down.
“ You should have tried something other than vanilla, That’s so boring.” She drew out the word boring. “Want to try some of my strawberry?” She offered her cone to him. As he leaned over to lick the ice cream, she shoved the cone closer to his face and got some of the ice cream on his nose. That surprised and even angered him a bit until she leaned over and licked the ice cream from the tip of his nose. “Here, I promise I won’t do that again.” She offered him the cone again. He tried again but drew back quickly when she faked moving the cone toward him. “No seriously, this time.” She offered the cone again. This time she let him lick it. It was an amazing flavor, real strawberries, not the fake strawberry flavor that some ice creams used.
“That’s delicious.”
“So next time how about you try something besides vanilla?” He didn’t know what to say to her. She seemed so relaxed and at ease and he felt like a nervous wreck. “Let’s go on the rides.”
“C’mon you said we wouldn’t go on anymore rides.” He complained.
“We can go on the carousel. That won’t upset your tummy.” She playfully poked his stomach. He agreed and she led him to the carousel. The carousel was playing recorded music. He didn’t know the piece by its name, ENTRY OF THE GLADIATORS, but recognized it as the theme music of every circus he had ever been to. She led him to the bench seat. When the carousel started, she laid her head on his shoulder and put her hand on his chest. “I can feel your heartbeat.” He didn’t doubt that. His heart felt like it was about to jump from his rib cage. Her closeness was equal parts sublime and terrifying. He didn’t want to do anything stupid to ruin the night.
They had reached the end of the fairway and were confronted with a huge replica of a castle and a sign in huge blood red letters, Castle Dracula. It was the largest dark ride he had ever seen at a traveling carnival, several semi-trailers attached to make one big ride. “C’mon let’s go in the castle.”
“I don’t know…” he hesitated.
“What are you, chicken?” She had thrown down the gauntlet. He couldn’t say no now. They waited in line and the sound of screams and maniacal laughter drifted out from the speakers of the ride. When their turn came, they sat in one of the cars, just barely big enough for the two of them. Abby grabbed his arm tightly and seemed truly nervous. The ride proceeded through a maze of corridors made to look like different rooms in a castle. The walls were painted with a variety of gruesome monsters and ghosts in fluorescent paint. He tried to remain calm but Abby let herself go, alternately screaming and laughing. Her screams actually scared him more than the ride itself and he tensed every time she screamed and grabbed his arm tighter. The car they were riding in turned around a corner and they came face to face with the titular character, Count Dracula himself. His face loomed large over the tracks, fangs dripping blood, blocking their way. The car slowed and inched forward to deliver them into his blood-soaked maw. Then the car hit the kick plate and the door that Dracula was painted on opened on to a vestibule and then a blank door kicked open and they were back into the area where people were waiting to get on the ride.
The ride itself wasn’t great but Abby’s closeness made it one of the greatest in his mind. “Why were you so scared? I thought you have been on all these rides?”
“That one’s new this year.”
“Yeah, but the summer’s half over.”
She hesitated, looking straight into his eyes as if trying to judge whether she could confide in him. “I’ve never been on it because I’ve never had anyone to go on it with. It’s not something I wanted to go on myself. You seem like a nice boy so I decided to try it.”
“Thanks.”
Her gaze discomfited him. He felt she was looking into him and he wasn’t sure she would like what she would find there. She liked him because he had none of the false bravado of the boys she knew. He was shy and quiet. She liked that.
They turned to the right as they left the castle and the sideshow tents appeared to be in the next row over. “We can go look from the outside, but Mama says I can’t go in those tents.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know, something about being inappropriate for kids. I don’t want to make Mama angry. She works hard and I don’t want to disappoint her.”
“That’s nice that you listen to your mom.” At the beginning of the row of sideshow tents was a huge wall of signs advertising the oddities to behold. The bearded lady, the worlds tiniest person, a contortionist, a sword swallow and a fire eater. Instead of a strong man act they had the world’s strongest woman. Then one act caught his eye, Shera the Gorilla Woman. “What’s that?”
“What?”
“The gorilla woman. What’s that?”
Her eyes lit up. “That’s my Mama’s act. Do you want to see?”
“I thought your mom didn’t want you to see the shows.”
“It’s her show. I don’t think she would mind, but we have to sneak in the back.”
“If she wouldn’t mind, why do we have to sneak in the back?”
“Cause kids have to be with an adult, silly.” The way she said the word silly seemed to him more a term of endearment rather than an admonishment and he kind of liked it.
“Okay.”
The sign over the entrance to the tent said GIRL TO GORILLA in big red block letters. The illustration was a crude painting of three figures, a woman, a half woman half beast and a full-blown gorilla. The woman had a face that looked like a ventriloquist’s dummy and a strategic lock of hair that covered her naked breasts. What looked to him like tropical foliage covered the rest of her nudity.
As they approached the tent the barker started his spiel. “She comes from the deepest darkest continent of Africa. Is she human or gorilla. Science has not been able to tell. She was found alone in the jungle as a child and brought back to civilization by the very same James E. Strate who founded this carnival. He named her Shera.”
“Her real name is Linda. That’s just part of the show.” Abby whispered to him.
“…to the sunshine state of Florida and raised her as his own.” His voice took on a conspiratorial tone. “She learned the ways of civilization and became the perfect child. Beautiful in every way and smart as a whip. Then, Bam.” He slammed his hand on the podium he was standing behind and came to the front. “When she became a woman, she experienced a horrifying transformation. She began to change. In the span of hours, her beautiful body grew hair, her teeth grew into long fangs and she developed super-human strength.” He started to yell. “To hear the rest of her story and see her transformation only costs two dollars for adults, two measly dollars to see the most amazing thing you will ever see in your lifetime, fifty cents for kids. All kids under eighteen must be accompanied by an adult.”
“See, I told you.” Abby elbowed him.
“Step right up and buy a ticket. It’s probably safe.” He put emphasis on the word probably to heighten the dangerous allure of the show. “Come one come all to see Shera the gorilla woman from deepest darkest Africa.”
“Let’s, go. We can sneak in the back. I know the way.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards a narrow space between the sideshow tents. She lifted up one side of the tent and there was barely enough room for him to slide under. When he rolled under the tent he knelt and held the canvas for her to slide under to join him. They were lucky to be right behind a rolling cart holding extra folding chairs and couldn’t be seen.
There was a stage at one end with rows of folding chairs filling up most of the rest of the tent, arranged with aisles to let people in and out. He watched through the stacked chairs as the lights dimmed. “The show’s about to start. Wait until you see my momma. She’s so beautiful.” He was transfixed by the scene and couldn’t say anything. On the stage was a cage with thick bars. A spotlight from the rear of the tent shone directly on the cage as a man in a tuxedo led a beautiful bikini clad woman onto the stage. He held her hand and directed her into the cage and locked her in.
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for coming this evening. My name is Doctor Van Clive. I have a PHD in biology and I have been working with Shera for years. Let me tell you what’s going to happen here tonight.” He talked with the straightforwardness of a clinician not the singsong pitchman’s voice of the barker outside. The woman inside the cage looked straight ahead as if in a trance. “Shera, the beautiful woman you see before you has the ability to change from an alluring woman into a beast, a terror in gorilla form. When she reached puberty, she began to transform against her will. In the intervening years she’s learned to control the transformation and joined the sideshow to share her astonishing ability with the general public. We’ve been able to tame the beast that lives within her. I assure you the bars on the cage are just for show. We’ve never had any problems before. Her adopted father James Strate, the founder of this carnival, brought Shera back from the African continent and raised her. When she began to transform, he contacted the best experts in the world and we have never been able to get to the cause of this remarkable occurrence. The villagers that live in the area where she was found believe that it was a curse placed on this white woman for the sins of her fathers. The men that raped the continent of Africa.”
“Right now, Shera is in a hypnotic trance. When she is relaxed it is easier to call forth the beast. I need you to be very still and quiet as I call forth the beast. We don’t want to cause any disturbance that might enrage the beast. As I’ve said before, we’ve never had any problems with our demonstration before but we don’t want this to be the first time.”
“Shera,” he said in a quiet monotone. “Shera, this is Doctor Van Clive. I want you to come out to show these people the beast within you. Shera come forth.” He repeated. The tone of his voice and the repetition became like a magician’s incantation. “Shera, Come forth. Come forth.” As he chanted the woman in the cage began to transform. Her body began to grow hair, her brow began to overshadow her eyes. The skin of her face turned black and became the face of a gorilla. When the transformation was complete there stood a menacing gorilla where a beautiful woman once stood. The gorilla grabbed the bars of its cage and started to shake the door violently.
“Please remain calm. This has never happened before but I’m sure that it’s nothing to be concerned about just remain still.” Doctor Van Clive said in an attempt to reassure the crowd. The gorilla continued to shake the bars until the door burst open. The doctor tried to intervene and stop the gorilla but was struck down to fall onto the stage. The gorilla jumped off the stage and knocked down one of the audience. John knew it was fake but he marveled at the performance and was still a little nervous. When the gorilla jumped off the stage, the crowd began to hurry out of the tent with a mixture of screams and laughter. He looked around for Abby but lost her in the crowd. He followed the audience out of the tent and looked around. Abby was nowhere to be found. He wanted to kiss her goodnight but he never saw her again.
He looked around for a few minutes then realized it was almost ten o’clock so he went to the gate to meet his parents.
“Did you have fun Johnny?” was his mother’s greeting when they caught up with each other.
“Yeah Mom. It was fun,” he said distractedly.
“Glad you had fun tiger,” his father said. He was quiet on the way home. His parents put it down to the late hour but he was really lost in his head about Abby and her mother. He never told anyone about that night, not even his few friends. As time passed, Abby became a childhood dream and her mother a myth done with mirrors. Even decades later it brought a smile to his face.